…with Glenn Conley
The Cartesian Theatre now welcomes guests from around the worldosphere, with an invitation to tell us all about themselves – in 25 words or less. Okay, okay, it’s not as bad as all that: they get 25 words per answer. They can wax lyrical if they want, but beware: I edit with an axe…
I’ve been thinking of expanding the scope of the Hollywood Interviews for a while so, instead of yet another boring, boring author, let’s give a big hand to notorious book blogger Glenn Conley, who has been known on occasion to spice up his fence-sitting, middle-of-the-road opinions on what he reads with just the tiniest hint of filthy language and shocking, stomach turning abuse.
READER BE WARNED: the following interview risks being NSFW.
Hi, Glenn, tell us “all” about yourself.
I’m the craziest sane person you’ll ever meet. I’m so [VERY] well-adjusted, it sickens me.
Okay, now tell us “all” about your blog — what’s going on there?
Just book reviews. Brutally honest book reviews. With lots of unnecessary profanity. People think it’s because I have a limited vocabulary. Well, [LOVE] YOU, MAN!
What made you start this blog in particular?
Because books [ANNOY] me off. I hate them with a burning passion. Not all books, just the ones that suck donkey [DANCES]. [LOVE] those books.
Is there anything you’d like to have blogged about… but just couldn’t?
That’s a stupid question. What could possibly prevent me from blogging about something? Go ahead and try, mother[LOVER]. I double-dog dare ya!
You’ve got a lot of love in your heart, Glenn. So, what is the most inspirational thing you’ve ever read – and why?
The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne — because… Well, because it [COMPLETELY] inspired me, okay? I mean, I actually got off my [CHAIR] and did [THINGS] because of this [VERY PLEASING] book.
If you could say anything at all to your personal hero, what would it be?
I’d ask Douglas Adams, “Why’d you have to go and die, [YOU GENIUS]? Oh, and that ‘somebody else’s problem field’ works perfectly!”
What are you most proud of in your life, outside of blogging?
Being married for 26 [WONDERFUL] years. So many [DELICIOUS] fish in the sea, and there’s only one that I have any interest in. My [CHARMING] wife.
What is the thing you would most like to do with your life – but don’t dare?
Well, “dare” is a strong word. I always wanted to be a film maker. Writer/director. I should have gone to film school instead of—
Where, Glenn? Where should you have gone? Hmm? Not into the
bathroom, Glenn, hiding in the bathroom never helped anyone…
Wait: you think “dare” is a strong word…? Well, anyway, what are your actual plans for the future – all of it?
To finish the two novels I’m working on. Continue blogging. And try not to go on a killing spree. It really is a constant struggle—
You don’t have to tell me, Glenn. You don’t have to tell me…
Okay, all my “screw yous” to Glenn for not fuckling under the assbastard pressure. You can find out more about his bollocks from his cum-gargling blog, Glenn Hates Books, or you can give him a reach around and buy the first e-volume of his demented bile spewing here, shit raven that he is.
And long may it continue, until the day he’s taken down by a lynch mob of enraged authors and drowned in a pool of his own piss and blood! Also, crap wanking santorum spunk felch!! Bye!!!